Monday, June 4, 2012

How To Keep Your Wife From Hitting The Fan

I love my husband. Now let's get on with it ......

I get mad at my husband!

Being pregnant and postpartum continuously for quite some years now, I get mad at him A LOT! Even in my dreams, I'll be mad at him! Most of the time, I don't even think he realizes that I'm mad at him. Days will pass, and he will all of a sudden say "wait a minute, are you mad about something?", realizing that I have given him the silence treatment for two days! .... or maybe he did realize, but decided to enjoy the calm!

Either way, when he does realize, he will usually humor me, and let me fight with him. You see, it is most definitely always me, who is having a fight with- or at him, without much participation from his side.

This could work, if he actually listened and took notice, but no! This is the most infuriating thing! He will only listen half way. He actually has an amazing talent, where he zones out all background noise, picks out a few thought-provoking words, and creates his own new perception. For example, if I go on about needing more help, and how hard it is being alone with toddlers and a new baby, he somehow just hears the word baby, and then his male brain brings him to "let's go practice making another one!"  - Are you kidding me!

The thing is, I actually don't believe myself to be all that complicated. Woman are from Venus and men are from Mars?.... Nah! I might be slightly crazy, but It's all very simple and earthly. So the measures it takes to keep me from hitting the fan, might not always be rational, but they are quite straightforward.

Dear Husband, the following advice is for you......

  • First of all, if I am pregnant, postpartum or PMS'ing, avoid any spontaneous conversation all together! 
  •  Sometimes I need to vent. Do not come up with solutions! I do not want to solve things - I want to dwell in them! I only want comments from you, stating how sorry you are, or that you get where I'm coming from and that you agree with me! You do not have to reason with me, even if I'm being unreasonable!  
  • If for some idiotic reason an x-girlfriend or fling is brought up in conversation, the only correct thing to say is: "she's terrible!". Do not tell me how "she's actually a nice girl" or "quite sweet" and unless you tell me she's fat and wrinkled, I don't even want to know the color of her hair!
  • if you have already disregarded the above mentioned points, and set me off, then do not attempt to win the argument. It will only end badly. I am always right!
  
                                                                         - Sincerely your loving wife  






1 comment:

  1. This is great! Can you please contact me at vschneider@humptydummptyparent.com

    Thanks,

    Vesta Schneider
    www.HumptyDumptyParent.com

    ReplyDelete